I am 24 now. Growing up was never easy, endless worries about the future, overthinking decisions that may affect the future and feeling like I had to be an adult before even becoming an adult. Age is just a number but when do we recognise ourselves as independent adults?

I come from a rather typical South Asian family – eldest of seven siblings with a huge family and social circle. Typically, being female brought certain restrictions. From a young age I realised that being female restricted you in all manners. Every step of your existence had a barrier, from the way you dress to the way you speak, to the extra responsibility you have to keep honour in the family.

It was going at a bearable pace until my teens. I always saw the importance of culture and religion so I complied – despite seeing the often blatant biased rules. Sadly, this same culture and religion (the ugly and darker form) was also the cause of my mother’s ill health and mental wellbeing. This over time caused a rupture between my parents and we continued seeing the breakdown of a happy, tight and fun household. When I was 16 my father was forced to leave the family home, which left me and my siblings devastated. We all stayed quiet and had no voice. There seemed to be no intervention by the wider family or society, who my mother was so keen to please. We lost our dear father and we stayed quiet, as we loved our mother equally and wanted to protect her.

While all of this was going on – I continued being patient and internalising my own feelings, wants and needs – I was holding the fort, the family. I became a warrior for my family and gave my all to make sure they were okay. But I was also a kid then. I made mistakes – naturally. When one is young you naturally make mistakes, mistakes are a fact of life, it’s the response to that error that matters. At this point in life, everything I did or tried to do felt like a mistake, it was just never enough for the family. Trying to be a good daughter, good sister and a good niece but nothing seemed to be working. The external family and society did not come to my aid. There was no light.

At the age of 18, my whole childhood was stuffed into black bin bags and left outside the front door. I had nowhere to go.

I was out in the real world facing real life decisions. Once protected and cotton woolled and hidden from society, I had to survive sofa surfing, pot noodles and relying on my secondary school friends.

The silver lining is – four years on, I work for an organisation that protects and looks after the most vulnerable children and young people in our society.

I saw first hand how difficult it is to stand on your own feet as a homeless young person. Local councils turned me away as I didn’t fit their categories or criteria. Searching for rooms to rent on different websites was difficult.

I grew up in central London, however it was very expensive.I made the bold decision to move to Newham. It has been the best start to my life and independence.

I have made Newham my home in the last two years. I am proud to say, I have my own home now. At the age of 23, I felt like an adult. Independent. I did it alone. I feel safe now. My journey so far has taught me to stay motivated, to always seek better in every bad situation. Through my job, I AM the person helping families and children feel safe and work on the best solutions for their family.

I have since reconnected with my father and his side of the family – we were always kept away from them. The re-union was emotive but worth it. Seven years of separation seemed like a lifetime. He did not hesitate to accept me and I will forever respect and love my father for that. He did not question me about my past and what I may have gone through. He said it would be too painful to listen – no child should end up outside the door of a family home with their belongings in bin bags.

It is a blessing that after so many years, fending for myself and feeling alone, I have now got someone who calls me to ask if I’ve eaten, how I am. And that is precious.

Having my father back in my life was definitely the biggest blessing as he respects the woman I have become. He is a man of honour. As a duo we are stronger and building a much brighter future for us. I now see the beautiful and kinder side of our culture and religion.

The most important lesson I’ve learnt about life is to never miss an opportunity to grow. Mistakes are a fact of life. It’s the response to that error which counts. When you feel alone or isolated from loved ones, seek help or do something that makes you happy. Life is a challenge and we all face challenges at some point – it can only make you stronger. I have worked hard and I did it on my own, but you never have to feel alone, it’s good to talk. Some people will not listen but there are people who will and when they do, talking helps clear your mind. Some people are given the opportunity and some people have to work harder for the opportunity but at the end of the day we are all seeking only to better our life. I have learnt to survive in a cruel world, I have gained independence and I have learnt to be hopeful, that there is always light at the end of a dark lonely tunnel. Your hard work will pay off, don’t give up just yet.

The author of this article has asked us to withhold her name.

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