The lockdown as a result of the Coronavirus pandemic has brought a lot of sudden changes to family life over the past year. For some, spending months in isolation with the children at home has strengthened bonds and brought families closer together. Whereas for a vast number the experience has been daunting due to some form of trauma, such as bereavement directly linked to the loss of a loved one from CVD-19, loss of financial security/furlough, unemployment or having to deal with the stress of balancing working from home and meeting work commitments with home schooling and child care.  

These sudden changes have led to the breakdown of some family lives and relationships, which has been reflected in a 122 per cent increase in divorce enquiries in 2020, compared to 2019 according to leading British law firm Stewart.   In addition, 2020 has seen an increase in suicide rates among adults and young people and national and local statistics indicates an increase in domestic abuse cases of 7 per cent and 3 per cent respectively between March and June 2020.  Additionally, parents/carers have reported an increase in their child’s emotional, behavioural, and restless/attentional difficulties in a survey led by experts at Oxford University.

Research on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) shows that an unhealthy or dysfunctional family life puts children at risk of developing emotional and behavioural difficulties which in some cases leads to delinquency and severe physical and mental health problems in later life. Studies have also shown that adults in dysfunctional families are more likely to suffer from stress, anxiety and other mental health concerns. Conversely, healthy families are a source of emotional support, love, security and protection. They also benefit each family member in important ways and help provide a unique sense of belonging, value and a secure base that can’t be found in other relationships. A healthy family life encourages the formation of strong moral character, promotes good mental and physical health, and in addition, nurtures an independent and self-sufficient individual. 

Although the lockdown has brought a host of new pressures and challenges to our everyday lives, there are practical things we can all do to maintain strong relationships and reap the benefits of a healthy family life. 

Here are some suggestions for lockdown:

Manage and communicate your feelings

Communicating your feelings effectively is important in avoiding a pressure cooker situation. Learn to identify trigger points and check on each other’s feelings to ensure that things don’t fester. Try to pick up on unusual behaviours in your loved ones that may be signs of an inability to cope with what is happening, and have open, non-judgmental dialogue about your observations.

Faith–Based Communities

Faith based communities offer considerable support throughout life.  Religious faith and practice appear to have a sizeable and consistent relationship with improved health and longevity, including less depression, hypertension and a lower risk of suicide.

Hobbies

Find time for your hobby or start a new one. Dancing is a great way for the whole family not just to have fun but to also get everyone active. 

Maintain Self-care

It can be mindfulness apps i.e. yoga, self-care bingo, gardening or whatever you find relaxing.   Children can also join in. By incorporating self-care activities into your day, you give your body and mind time to rest, reset and rejuvenate to avoid the symptoms of stress and anxiety.

Maintain Connections

There is plenty of research to convince us that surrounding ourselves with people who genuinely care about us can have a positive effect on our mental well-being.  So, connect with extended family and friends using the available technology to achieve this. 

Focus on emotional wellbeing

If you are feeling low, reach out for support in your social network or professionally.  Exercise can be positive for mental health.

Tips to help make the back-to-school transition easier:

Recreate/create a Routine

A routine is a good way of forming useful habits and training yourself to be more organised for a transition. Let the children be involved in planning the routine, which will give them a better understanding of what to expect.  Having a routine can also help to minimise family conflict.   Moreover, a routine can  help us keep on top of daily tasks, as well as having a positive impact our body’s biological rhythm. If your child has a disability, they may not fully grasp the seriousness of the current climate but they most likely are sensing the change. Communicate to them the importance of handwashing.

Manage and communicate feelings

Cabin fever may cause children to display challenging behaviours. Encourage them to talk about their worries so they are not bottling things up. Avoid saying it’s nothing to worry about. Empathise and show them you understand their fears by listening actively. Think things through with them age appropriately and encourage them to come up with their own solutions.

Positive Affirmation

Using positive affirmations daily will help children to adjust and prepare for the transition.  This will strengthen their self-belief.  ‘I am brave, I am strong and I can learn’ will eventually become their inner voice.  

Maintain Connections

Daily ‘check ins’ are a really effective way of re-establishing a child’s sense of security, and a chance for family members to unite in a spirit of togetherness.   Have special family time to allow everyone to express anything that may be bothering them and to discuss plans and expectations about returning to school. Planning ahead in this way makes the transition so much easier for  children as they feel more prepared and will be better able to deal with the challenges ahead.

Family support or having a reliable, consistent adult is the most important factor in the lives of children and adolescents.

Children and young people have high expectations of parents and carers, and they can become disappointed and confused when the anticipated help and positive reinforcement from parents are missing.  Support from friends is also of crucial importance.

SUPPORT

Kooth 

Online counselling support for ages 11-25 years-old

www.kooth.com

Your Time 

020 3373 9983

The Who Cares? Programme 

In some schools across Newham – 020 3373 9983

Newham Family Information Service

020 3373 0980

www.happyconfident.com

Co-parenting through lockdown – see Cafcass guidance on effective co-parenting and childcare arrangements – www.familylives.org.uk

If you are in an abusive relationship contact 

HESTIA – LBN Domestic Abuse Service provider

080 8196 1482

www.hestia.org/newham

www.hestia.org/domestic-abuse

OR

Contact Refuge on 080 8200 0247

Fawn Bess-leith is a specialist health visitor in perinatal and infant mental health working in Newham

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